What us married a long time ladies would do differently if we could do it all over again…

So today I’m on Lifetime Moms talking about all the things I wish I could tell my younger about to be married blushing bride self about marriage– all the things NOT TO DO…and well I know I’m not alone in wistfully looking back on these past 15 years and thinking– GEE what the hell was I thinking when I invited that person to my wedding– and why didn’t I just do what I wanted- why did I feel so compelled to please everyone but myself?

I also know I am not the only bride who wishes she could look her younger self  square in the jaw and say-” Hey babe, do what you want- this is your wedding, your marriage, your life.  Also don’t be a right fighter and try to remember to enjoy yourself every once in a while ESPECIALLY before you start popping out those kids!

I asked a bunch of incredibly smart and accomplished women for their take on what they wish they could tell their younger soon to be married selves about what’s truly important in marriage– and here are their golden nuggets of wisdom!
Rachel Haalman Blaufeld: I would elope.

Mara Rubinoff Shapiro: hmm, let me think. For my wedding, I wouldn’t really change anything except that I wouldn’t have let my mother start up with my grandfather and thus he didn’t come. For my marriage, I would have not tried to be the little wifey so much-my husband is so spoiled.

Natalie Goldberg KleinI would have bought a house and had an intimate gathering with family and friends..  (we do own now I just would rather have invested more )

Holly Rosen Fink I would have been married another year or two before we had kids so we could have explored more of the world together/ We were pregnant within the first year of being married.

Esti BerkowitzI would have had a small wedding with just family. I feel that all of the details (flowers, seating arrangements, dessert decisions, family photos) got in the way. I also would not have registered for gifts, that also took too much time and energy.

Nancy Johnson HornI think it’s a common thought. I would have made a smaller, less lavish wedding and waited longer to have kids. I was 33 and worried that it would take a while to become pregnant (Ben was born almost 14 months after our wedding).

Jessica Bern I’d choose a different husband (says the divorcee)

HaDassah Sabo Milner I concur with Jessica’s comment. Thank G-d for second chances.

Aliza Worthington Here’s what I wish I’d done differently for the wedding:

1. Gotten padding sewn into the bosom of the dress, like the lady at Kleinfeld’s told me to.

2. Had enough foresight to realize that the staff at the historic Fort Hamilton were too goyish to know that when we asked for a glass for the end of the ceremony for Dave to step on, we wanted a THIN glass, not a lowball glass. Poor guy – it kept slipping out from the napkin each time he tried to stomp on it – he had to chase it around for a little while before he finally ended up taking it and throwing it against the wall. THEN it broke.Here’s what I would change about the marriage: Absolutely nothing. I’m sorry, I know I’m in the minority and extremely fortunate, but it’s the truth.

Elissa Freeman I so love everyone of these comments. What would I change and did change? Stop being so conciliatory and speaking my mind up front. MY DH is of the mind that “everyone is entitled to his opinion.” More often than not we laugh about it…but when he’s being an asshole – now we get that out in the open real fast. So there!

So tell me- if you could tell your younger, about-to-be-married-blushing-bride-to- be-self one thing- what would it be?


  1. says

    Thanks for including me. I love reading these. I can tell you, i loved my big wedding, and I wouldn’t change having my beautiful daughter who turns 18 today, right after we got married. I am so glad that of anything in my life, my marriage and family are both non-regrets. x0x0x0. But I do wish I didn’t get the ugly giant satin dress my mother wanted, and instead the elegant silk satin dress that I wanted.

  2. says

    As a not young bride… I would say to a soon to be young bride… marriage is great but sometimes it is not easy, you will not like your husband, you will wonder ‘what was I thinking,’ you might think the grass is greener… but remember what brought you together/ remember to focus on what is good far more than what is bad and BREATHE!

  3. says

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