What advice would you give your 25 year old self about marriage?

My baby brother is getting married at the same age I did. As an
almost 38 year old woman ( my birthday is on August 25th) when I say the words
25 and think about entering into a marriage at that age- I wonder, having had
the experience and knowledge I have now- would I have done it all the same?

The Answer- I think, but gosh if I could give my 25 year old self
advice about the next 12 years of life and marriage here are just a few things
I would say:

-Check out the relationship your husband to be has with his parents… because that will be CRUCIAL in terms of the way he interacts with you. To be honest I didn’t take this into account at all- and while it’s true that we all have dysfunctional relationships with our parents- a guy who is solicitous of his mother (although not to the point of being a mama’s boy- there is a FINE line) will most likely be a really devoted and sensitive husband. Or in my case– you’ll spend the next 12 years teaching him how to be sensitive and caring.

-If you are a night person and your husband to be is a day person– no matter what the circumstances of life– this fact is not likely to change. And oh this one is so true. 12 years later- I am up till 1 am- while the husband is ready for bed at 6pm. He was like this at 40 when we got married and is THE same at 53.

- Religion- if one of you was raised with it- and one of you raised without it– it will become an issue so BE PREPARED. I was raised with it- my husband raised without it- he’s pretty much an atheist, and yes- my residual guilt over not being as religious as I was raised rears its head an awful lot- however my husband- well he is guilt-free.

-Marriage is not the panacea for all that cures you. I think I thought once I got married- all my other problems would evaporate- and unfortunately nothing could be further from the truth- only now you have brought this other person into your world and now your problems have become his problems. So if you can manage to work through your shit prior to getting married–well you are one step ahead of the game.

-People change and you need to be open to that fluidity in your marriage. At 25 years old I married a man who was a practicing physician; 12 years later my husband has decided he no longer wants to be a doctor. Ultimately I want my husband to be happy and so of course I am supporting him–but that sugar daddy I thought I married– well he’s gone.

What about you, what advice would you give your younger, about to be married self?

Comments

  1. Tracy from canada says

    Those very same traits that attract you to your mate will be the same ones that will later annoy you the most. Ie. Where once he seemed assured now he can be arrogant. An interesting conversationalist becomes talkative, overbearing and you have to fight for “airtime”

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