This weekend myÂ two sisters and I had the incredible honor of walking our baby brother down the aisle and into the arms of his new bride and family.
I’ve been trying to articulate the swell of emtotion that has taken up residence as a lump in my throat ever since I watched him “officially” meet his bride at a ceremony prior to his marital officiation known as the bedekking.
Essentially it’s after the wedding contract (Ketubah) has been signed and the men escort and dance the groom to be in to see his bride who is waiting in this regal white chair for him, to finally see her.Â There’s a whole biblical back story to this.. which makes the ceremony that much more meaningful, but what resonated with me most and had me bawling barrels of tears was remebering my dad, on the day of my wedding at my bedekking.
I’ll never forget when they danced Robert (aka the sugardaddy)Â in to see me– this man who was raised a completely secular Jew and truly had no idea what was going on with all the hebrew dancing, all the pomp and circumstance, but just took it all in stride donning a kittel Â ( and even PAID for the whole shebang too because I wanted my parents to save their money for their retirement and not on a six hour party). AndÂ right beside him was my daddy, beaming with pride- and then saying a blessing over my head. I’ll never forget his eyes- he had these cerulean blue colored eyes that danced whenever they looked at you.Â And I felt, as I sat beside my brother’s soon to be wife, as she was being bedekked by my brother and thenÂ being blessed by her father thatÂ those same eyes, the eyes of my father were watching us, dancing smiling, and blessing us.
I’ll be honest we all sort of lost it– we were sobbing through most of the day. And as my sister and I walked our brother down the aisle with my father’s Tallis hanging from the chuppa- I want to believe his essence and his spirit was right there hovering and presiding over it all. I need to believe in that, and in the possibility that while our physical bodies may leave this earth our souls and the essence of who we are sticks around to watch over those we’ve left indelible marks on. I don’t just need to believe this, I have to believe it.