Dating 101: To play hard to get or not…that is the question

I met my husband when I was 22 years old. By that time I had dated half the eligible ( and not so eligible) bachelors in Manhattan and NONE of my relationships worked out…EVER. Why? Because I simply couldn’t wrap my head around playing games. If I liked someone I wore my heart on my sleeve, I let him know, I called him before he called me, I told him I *really* liked him before he told me, I *showed* him I like him without much *work* on his part.

But see that is my personality, I’m impulsive, if I like something I want to shout it from the rooftops and into anyone’s ear who will permit it.

But now that I have a daughter- I’m wondering if perhaps my actions– and modeling such behavior for her– especially when it comes to wearing her heart outside her chest and playing no games with members of the opposite sex- is actually hurting rather than helping her.

We live in a society of game players– especially in matters of the heart. Sounds trite but men and boys LOVE a good chase. I never gave anyone a chance to chase me because I was too forthcoming with my feelings, which often times- at least until I met my betrothed completely worked against me.

After our nearly 12 hour first date- my husband- then potential suitor KNEW I was COMPLETELY into him. I made no secret of it.  But maybe I should have because clearly that behavior never aided me in any retaining any relationships prior to meeting my sugar daddy.

So I asked him for his thoughts on the chase:

Me: So did I play hard to get with you?

The Sugar daddy: No, not at all.

Me: But don’t guys like a chase?

The Sugar Daddy: I think it’s a timing thing. Before I met you I was that guy who was looking for conquests.

Me: That sounds like you were just trolling for sex

The sugar Daddy: It’s true I wasn’t ready.

Me: Ready for what?

The Sugar daddy: to make a commitment.

Me: So being in that state of mind- were you more titillated by a woman who made you chase her and made you play the dame

The Sugar daddy: Yes. I Was in it for the conquest- I wasn’t in it for commitment.

Me: So what changed -when you met me- and do you think it was really just a timing thing?

The Sugar daddy: I think timing has something to do with it I was ready and I saw a beautiful girl that I had chemistry with.

Me: So my lack of game didn’t turn you off or freak you our or have you heading for the hills?

The Sugar daddy: No because I was ready.

Me: So what is your advice then to women like me- who refused to play the game when they met a guy they were interested in? To play or not to play?

The Sugar Daddy: I think men like women with a lot of pride, confidence and someone who isn’t going to jump into bed with them on the first night.

Me: So then you are advocating that women don’t behave like  I did if they want to secure a long term commitment?

The Sugar daddy: That’s right.

Me: So why did it work for us?

The Sugar daddy: For us it was just the right everything…our  instant connection was special- and unlike any I had ever experienced.

Well, despite what my sugar daddy says…In closing girlfriends and daughter of mine–  I think you need to act with your heart, you need to be you authentic self- and when you meet the right person- that chemistry will just take over- and no game playing will be necessary!!

Do you agree with me?


  1. says

    As a single, 22 year-old female myself, I struggle with this every time I meet someone new! Much like yourself, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and am a horrible game player. Thank you for providing hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel!

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