It’s Memorial Day- we should technically be in the Hamptons or at the Jersey Shore- soaking up the sun drenched days knocking back a pitcher of freshly frozen strawberry margaritas and luxuriating in the unofficial kick off to NYC’s summer season. Instead we are lounging on our couch as the Sugar daddy regales me with his litany of reasons as to why vacations are HIGHLY overrated.
Me: Honey don’t you think it would be nice to catch an ocean breeze?
The Sugar Daddy: You hate the beach.
Me: Well, yeah I guess you’re right but you should push me to go.
The Sugar Daddy: First you have to lug all your stuff out to the beach. Then you plant an umbrella in the sand to keep the sun off you because you feel like you’re literally baking in the sun, you have to keep that sun that you went for off of you. Everything you eat has sand in it and when you’re done you have to lug all your stuff back to your house.
Me: But honey you always went away on these big holiday weekends, what’s changed?
The Sugar Daddy: It was much easier taking a vacation when I was single. I just showed up with one pair of shorts and a toothbrush. Now with two kids, a wife and two dogs packing up is a day long process that I can’t even bring myself to begin and you know neither can you.
Me: I know, but we are so Mr. and Mrs. Boring-no BBQ, no beach- we could very well be classified as highly anti American.
The Sugar Daddy: Well, at least I don’t have to pack and I promise no sand will pass your lips. Let’s be honest going on a vacation, is you basically just paying to sleep in a new bed. I like my bed and I like you in our bed.