We all have them; Relationship Deal Breakers. These are our NON-Negotiables. The Stuff that we can’t seem to accept from our partners. For me it’s these THREE things:
#1 I need to know that there is NO OTHER WOMAN living in another country with your last name and carrying your kid in her belly.
#2 You must LOVE television and NEVER expect me to take a vacation to a place where they don’t have TV’s in the room.
#3 Must care about fitness; i.e. NO COUCH POTATOES.
Of course when I met my husband I had a checklist of deal breakers a MILE LONG. I swore I would never date anyone who lived outside of Manhattan ( he lived in Brooklyn). I was adamant about dating a guy who was 5’11” tall (he was 5’8 ON A GOOD DAY). And I was convinced my husband-to-be needed to be a very eloquent phone conversationalist (my husband abhors THE PHONE).
The point is- you can make all these lists in your head and believe that the person you meet needs to fit all this criteria- but of course- once you date long enough to feel like you just CANNOT GET YOUR HAIR DONE yet one more time – you realize you might need to be a bit more flexible about your deal breakers; i.e. if the man is NOT reporting to a parole officer, doesn’t have three baby mamas and makes it a point to shower everyday – those are all VERY IMPORTANT qualities that should NOT be overlooked!
And then you can have these relationship deal breakers, which – I think Steve Harvey gave some REALLY great insight into on his daily talk show. I was so impressed with his advice that I felt compelled to jot it all down and share it with you- Two Relationship Deal Breakers (or ARE THEY?!)
#1 I met a wonderful man (but he is STILL LIVING WITH HIS Wife)
The Scenario: I found out that he and his ex wife still live together. He assures me it is not physical,they have separate bedrooms and he tells me he is moving out. Is this a relationship deal breaker?
Steve Harvey says: You need to pull out until he straightens out. You need to DATE with the same purpose. You need to find a guy who wants the same things you want. Every man can change, every man will change but there is only one woman he is changing for. If he isn’t making changes then you need to find someone else.
#2 What do you do when you say I love you and he doesn’t say it back?
Steve Harvey says: It’s a deal breaker only if you require someone to say I love you back at the same time. Guys know at the fourth or fifth date that we love you. But a guy needs to find out: who he is, what he does and how much he makes before he can feel at ease with himself. He might not be at that point in his life (that you are) where he is ready to say it but if your “I love you” didn’t run him off that is a good sign… meanwhile if he is taking you to see his kids (and STILL hasn’t said I love you back)– SLOW it down. Stepping back is always a good way to find out where you are- stepping back does not mean you are stepping away and that he will escape. The truth is a man who is in love with you is not going anywhere.
What are YOUR relationship deal breakers?