Is it okay to flirt if you are married?

Yesterday I took part in a Huff Post Live panel on Flirting and your marriage- and MUCH to my husband’s surprise I said- it is OKAY to flirt. That’s right I’m married- NOT DEAD.

Is it okay to flirt if you are married?

I think flirting is great, fun, mysterious, an ego boost. Flirting  can also be dangerous, which of course is what makes it so seductive especially as a married person. Flirting is all about titillation and fantasy and while there is certainly nothing wrong with fantasizing, when you engage in it with another living breathing person (as opposed to a book, a film or your trusty night table goody drawer) I think that’s when you dip your toe into the pool of maybe.

This world of maybe includes; well maybe I’ll just smile at this person, well maybe I’ll just bat my eyes and brush against this person’s hand. Maybe I’ll just go out for a casual drink with this person. Maybe I’ll just let this person sit really close to me and brush away a piece of my hair from my forehead. You see, these maybes can lead to behaviors that at the outset seem harmless, simply a verbal repartee and non verbal gestures, but they hold the possibility for developing into much more, and really if you are married, why would you tempt fate?

Of course all that being said- I think you can flirt if you know what your boundaries are– mine are DO NOT TOUCH ME NOR DO I TOUCH YOU.  The element of touch perches you precariously close to the edge of a cliff and *hopefully* you don’t slip and fall over into the abyss of infidelity.

I know- you may say- oh Melissa, you are being such a drama queen! A little flirting never hurt anyone and I completely agree- it’s good for the ego, and that rush you get well as long as you are bringing home all those aroused feelings to your spouse, it’s a win-win for everyone. And while I agree that flirting is good for the soul, it’s no good for you if you are doing anything other than batting your eyelashes and engaging in witty repartee.