In August I turned 38… and my ovaries- heck I’m well aware that they’ve been slowly drying up since my mid-twenties and therefore I felt very comfortable- or so I thought in my decision to stop at two kids.
Then as celebrities like Celine Dion and a bevy of women I know have been poppin out babies like there’s something in the water supply- I’m feeling like maybe my decision to keep my very traditional family- a boy, a girl a dog and a house with a husband status quo, needs to be reconsidered. Of course- unlike Sarah Jessica Parker- who Lord knows how much she paid to have a surrogate carry her baby, whether or not she actually used her own eggs- which at her advanced over 40 years would probably not be the way to go–I don’t have an endless supply of Sex and in the City funds to dip into to add to my brood.
If thereâ€™s going to be any more kids- they’re going to have to be added the old-fashioned way. I want to smell that newborn hair, fold little onesies, try breastfeeding this time, redo all the mistakes in hindsight I think I may have made with my two kids… who are probably no worse for the wear- but still I’ve got this VERY small window of opportunity left.
Or maybe this yearning for a baby- is more about my coming to terms with my mortality than it is about getting pregnant and bringing another life into this world– another kid that will need me as my others do 24/7– and really I’m having a hard enough time-as it is – splitting myself in two. No I would not relish changing diapers- and 2am feedings- and yet the thought that I will never get pregnant again- is just so depressing and symbolic of the end of this phase of my life… what’s next… I’m not sure I’m ready to close this chapterâ€¦
Oh yes and then there’s the issue of my Sugar Daddy and his rapidly advancing age.