I worry about everything. I am a worrier. I think in worrying I believe I am asserting some power over the the outcome of the issue I am worrying about. Or perhaps in worrying I believe I can have some power over that which I feel powerless, as if the actual act of worrying is in some way keeping what I am worried about in check- and letting the gds of fate know I deserve the outcome I desire because I’ve already invested so much time in ruminating over said result.
Of course my husband is the COMPLETE polar opposite ( I know- you are not surprised!). He worries about nothing. His head is clear, he sleeps LIKE A BABY. He is the not the one nudging me awake at night to *talk*, and whenever he looks deep in thought about something and I ask him, ” Honey what are you thinking about?” He says, “Nothing”. I’m not kidding you, he REALLY says NOTHING.
My husband’s ability to compartmentalize his feelings- or to simply not allow anxiety to permeate his daily thought processes and mood- well it both infuriates and fascinates me. For just one day I’d love to get a lil freaky Friday going and crawl up inside his head and be him for the day, and see if I could somehow manage to be worry-free too. Or maybe it’s just a guy thing–men don’t worry because they are too busy keeping all the sports stats in their brains and that coupled with the “honey do-lists”- well there simply isn’t enough room up in those noggins for all that information and activity.
My husband: Listen honey, men worry as much as women, but women are just more impulsive and more reactive, I know it sounds chauvinistic but… Men are just slow to react.
Me: So do you think they worry too- but just take more time to gather their worries?
My husband: No they react differently to stress.
Me: I want to act like you I want to STOP WORRYING- so tell me what should I do- how can I ACT LIKE A MAN?
My husband: Take a chill pill.
My husband: Think about the problem at hand, the possible solutions and remember it’s not the end of the world.
Me: Why is it every time I ask you if you are worried you always say no?
My husband: It’s because I’m too busy trying to calm you down.
Me: hah- seriously tell me three things women can learn from men and how to not to worry?
My husband: Women, they love to honk their horns, even though there is no danger involved on the road. I may be right or wrong- but women are reactors. They have to do something so they honk their horn. This just illustrates their personality and that sometimes they overreact.
ME: Yeah, I know women drivers honk their horns. I need three concrete ways us women can stop worrying and think like men when we are about to ruminate- go.
My husband: Here’s my advice: #1 Think don’t react. Think of your options and don’t overreact and get yourself in a lather. Weigh the pros and cons of every option and then you can worry and act.
#2 Most of the time these problems are not life and death, there are rational solutions and rational actions to pursue, and worrying about it will not get you to any kind of rational solution.
#3 But honey you can still honk your horn, overreact and rant and rave and worry yourself silly and as your husband I will work through it with you-all men should understand that men and women react differently. So get busy worrying- I got your back.