I know- I am guilty too- of falling into the fairytale trap of believing my marriage would solve all the evils that plagued me. It would be this super panacea that would rid me of my insecurities and would, as if by magic, transform the man I was marrying into a perfect specimen of human kind.
Well 13 years later- while I no longer have to wonder how I will be spending those oh so importantÂ “date nights ” at this point date nights are few and far between-Â and usually we have two little people with us at said dinner, at which point just one of us gets a pass to drink an entire bottle of wine- while the other is the designated sober person.
But more than having a permanent partner- marriage is so much more- itâ€™s about uncovering and trying to mend all theÂ hidden (or incredibly obvious) problems that we go into adulthood trying to suppress, which, after living, breathing and just being with someone for fourteen years twenty four hours a day, are bound to rear their ugly head and jeopardize the union you’ve painstakingly tried to keep afloat.
I will also be really honest inÂ here (I mean because if I’m not then why the hell us should you read this- for sanitized views of marriage that you know are worthless?!) if not for the fact that we have two kids- I don’t know how willing I would be to continue to invest in my marriage at certain points– because the bottom line– itâ€™s hard. It’s work, especially when one partner is struggling to make sense of their place in the world, and is simply not making the progress one would hope. The fact that our union has produced these two little people who look to us for guidance, security, focus and love–makes me want to keep my marriage viable.
But that’s the thing about marriage- itâ€™s never going to be the idealized union weâ€™ve been spoon-fed ( or at least the one my mother assured me would be the universal remedy to all of life’s Â evils, once that diamond was slipped on my finger).Â I also know that throughout these 13 years- I too have lost my way and relied on my husband to keep us steady, until I managed to reorient myself.
Unfortunately I have no great, profound ending to this post- no big reveal, no answers- except a quote I just read which I guess can be applied to any stage of life and marriageâ€¦Forgive early, kiss slowly, love wholeheartedly, laugh loudly, because life may not be the party we all hope for.