Loving your spouse more than your kids Giuliana Rancic is not the first or last wife to admit this

Giuliana Rancic’s admission that “My husband comes before my baby,” is ALL.OVER.THE.NEWS. But this whole loving your spouse more than your kids…wasn’t Ayelet Waldman many moons ago RAKED over the coals when she penned a New York Times “Modern Love” essay in which she unapologetically confessed that she loved her husband more than her kids? And the backlash, as one would expect was severe. Moms decried her statement — bashing her for admitting that a mother could love her spouse more deeply than her children.

Well since I like to fancy myself a relationships writer, specializing in the fine details of keeping one’s marriage afloat amidst the merging of personalities, idiosyncracies, physical ailments and well the list goes on– this is a topic that is never lost on me.

My entire reason for getting married was because I wanted to have children. Sure I wanted a partner, but to me, if kids were not at stake I’m not so sure I would take the marital plunge. Of course that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t shack up with my man and consider him as much a spousal equivalent as the next legally married person- but I didn’t think I’d feel the need to make our relationship legally binding. So for me- there would’ve been no marriage without kids. Just wouldn’t have happened.

Of course now that I have clocked 14 years of marriage under my belt– along with two kids-I know one thing for sure- if I didn’t love my husband truly, madly, deeply- I would’ve exited this marriage a LONG TIME AGO. And that belief that I needed to have kids in order to make my marriage worthwhile– now doesn’t seem to hold much weight.

So the real question should women love their husbands more than their kids?
My answer-Maybe. Raising kids is hard work- it’s lonely, its frustrating and if I didn’t have a husband to share it all with I’m not sure I’d have gotten this far. We’re like a tag team me and my guy- when one needs a break the other takes over- we’ve found this rhythm to our lives- that feeds all the others we love and cherish namely our kids. I also feel like loving my husband- is truly like loving my kids– he;s one half of their DNA- our love as seen through their eyes is so powerful and I know gives them a sense of peace and calm.

Maybe I’m ruminating over this abstract idea too much- measuring my love for one versus the other– it’s also a very different kind of love.

When I ask the sugar daddy to chime in these are his thoughts-“I don’t like the idea of it- consciously choosing – I want to love all my kids and my wife and give as much of myself to them. I can’t choose between my wife and kids. Why do you women obsess about this kind of stuff- now get me a beer?!- JUST KIDDIN- or am I?!”

Comments

  1. martyne says

    This is a very big topic at our house.. My husband always says that he feels he is the last one to be loved and that after I expend all my energy on the kids, there is nothing left for him. He constantly reminds me that soon enough they will be moving out and that I better get used to HIS face because that’s what I have to look at for the next 50 or more years! I love him desperately but part of that is because he IS the father of my yummy sons and I can’t pretend that away. If you ask him he will ALWAYS say that I am his number one, and he truly means that. And after 21 years of marriage it seems to be working out just fine…

  2. says

    I honestly don’t think I could say I love my kids or husband more. It’s just different. And I guess I wonder why we need to make a choice??? I will say this, though, I think that women who put their whole lives into their kids to the neglect of their marriage are unwise. Eventually the kids grow up and move out, and I don’t want to be one of those couples who realizes they’ve grown apart. So I think putting effort into keeping the marriage strong is very important. But I don’t think I can choose who I love more.

  3. says

    I’m with Jo-Lynne. There’s no way I could choose. It’s not the same. I love my children AND my husband immensely. Without him, there wouldn’t be those children. I think it’s a pointless conversation. I realize everyone is different, as are their relationships. But for me, there’s no one over the other.

  4. says

    I echo what Jo-Lynne said above. Why does there even have to be one chosen over the other? Love is not a pie that has to be divided into slices. Love is abstract and can grow big enough to accommodate everyone.

  5. says

    Your husband gave a great answer. My husband and I have talked about this many times before and we do not feel the same way. I always knew I wanted to be a mom and I would end up marrying someone and having a family. It was never about my knight in shining armor, my prince…it was always about becoming a mommy and I have no problem admitting that even though they drive me insane I will put my children before my husband just as I put all four of them before myself. My husband is the exact opposite.

  6. my name is lilian says

    am 24 years old looking for sugar daddy who i will make love with,,if you are interested please contact me with my email so that i can tell the person more about me and send you my pictures,.[ adu.lilian@yahoo.com ]

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