Giuliana Rancic’s admission that “My husband comes before my baby,” is ALL.OVER.THE.NEWS. But this whole loving your spouse more than your kids…wasn’t Ayelet Waldman many moons ago RAKED over the coals when she penned a New York Times “Modern Love” essay in which she unapologetically confessed that she loved her husband more than her kids? And the backlash, as one would expect was severe. Moms decried her statement — bashing her for admitting that a mother could love her spouse more deeply than her children.
Well since I like to fancy myself a relationships writer, specializing in the fine details of keeping one’s marriage afloat amidst the merging of personalities, idiosyncracies, physical ailments and well the list goes on– this is a topic that is never lost on me.
My entire reason for getting married was because I wanted to have children. Sure I wanted a partner, but to me, if kids were not at stake I’m not so sure I would take the marital plunge. Of course that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t shack up with my man and consider him as much a spousal equivalent as the next legally married person- but I didn’t think I’d feel the need to make our relationship legally binding. So for me- there would’ve been no marriage without kids. Just wouldn’t have happened.
Of course now that I have clocked 14 years of marriage under my belt– along with two kids-I know one thing for sure- if I didn’t love my husband truly, madly, deeply- I would’ve exited this marriage a LONG TIME AGO. And that belief that I needed to have kids in order to make my marriage worthwhile– now doesn’t seem to hold much weight.
So the real question should women love their husbands more than their kids?
My answer-Maybe. Raising kids is hard work- it’s lonely, its frustrating and if I didn’t have a husband to share it all with I’m not sure I’d have gotten this far. We’re like a tag team me and my guy- when one needs a break the other takes over- we’ve found this rhythm to our lives- that feeds all the others we love and cherish namely our kids. I also feel like loving my husband- is truly like loving my kids– he;s one half of their DNA- our love as seen through their eyes is so powerful and I know gives them a sense of peace and calm.
Maybe I’m ruminating over this abstract idea too much- measuring my love for one versus the other– it’s also a very different kind of love.
When I ask the sugar daddy to chime in these are his thoughts-“I don’t like the idea of it- consciously choosing – I want to love all my kids and my wife and give as much of myself to them. I can’t choose between my wife and kids. Why do you women obsess about this kind of stuff- now get me a beer?!- JUST KIDDIN- or am I?!”