In every marriage there’s a trade off (whether you want to admit it or not)

I love my sugar daddy, madly, desperately and passionately. But I also realize now, at 42, something I didn’t really consider at 25 when I was marrying a 40 year old man; that this age difference will be a factor, simply because no matter how young at heart we feel the physical body is its own beast that ages (and dies just a little) every day.

In every marriage there's a trade off (whether you want to admit it or not)

That’s right- my husband is 58, aka, he’s eligible for AARP, most of his friends have kids who have already graduated college and some who are even getting married. He’s middle-aged- and while when I look at him and his graying temples and the deepening furrows in his brow- I love him all the more- physically he is not on par with that of a 38 year old man (or woman). He just doesn’t have the energy that I do- and while I’ve never felt our dramatic 15-year age difference before, recently I have and it just makes me wistful ( and wondering how my life would be different had I married someone my own age).

Don’t get me wrong- the man is in really good shape- he goes running everyday and even takes cholesterol medicine ( sheesh my husband takes cholesterol medicine) . And he can run circles around me… but when the clock strikes 6pm he’s ready for bed (yes he’s an early bird special enthusiast) and well I’m not. And getting him to go out and party into the wee hours of 10pm on a weekend night, well it’s a struggle to say the least. I know it’s not that he doesn’t want to- rather his internal clock just doesn’t work well at that time in the evening- and at 42 mine is a RARING to go.

photo courtesy 

But I get it– this is my marital trade off- I married someone older as opposed to my own age because he possessed a maturity level that I simply couldn’t find in someone my own age. (When I got married at 25 years old, my husband who was 40, was still good to go after 10 pm!) I married someone who was ready to settle down and start a family and be as hands on a father as I could possibly hope for. And I don’t regret my decision at all- I know it’s part of my path- and I love my husband- I just wish- every once in a while- he could stay up past 10pm…

So, what’s your marital trade off?!

Comments

  1. Eugene says

    Not sure calling it a night at 6 p.m. is a factor of age or just a personal preference. My internal clock doesn’t ring me off stage until around midnight. Then again, props to him for running. The idea of me jogging anywhere (unless chased by zombies) seems wholly unappealing.

    The things I love most about my wife are the things that make us the most different: her gregariousness, her love of people and parties, her willingness to take on any challenge with little or no preparation. I, on the other hand, am a misanthropic anxiety case whose favorite hobby is illustrating his own suicide notes. So you can see where we both have to give a little.

  2. Gia says

    Let’s see, if I had to choose one (yes, there’s more) I would like for my husband to go out more often. He hates to go out – with us, alone and even his friends. He’s become a homebody and I don’t like staying home too often. If I left it up to him, we would be home all weekend every weekend and I just can’t have it that way. I love to go out and enjoy the scenery, go have a drink or two and maybe catch a movie but my 40 year old husband, would rather stay home, snuggled with me and watching tv/movies – and no, there’s nothing wrong with that either but I like change sometimes. LOL

  3. says

    I wouldn’t worry about the cholesterol medication. My husband is only 37 and he’s been on it for ten years.

    My marital tradeoff? Well, my husband is incredibly dependable, does housework, and plans ahead. He’s a great father and an excellent husband but a chronic worrier. The tradeoff is that he’s a party pooper. He also doesn’t really have friends, so I’m the only person he ever talks to, other than his family.

    It’s worth it, though I sometimes wish we could have a little more fun. 🙂

  4. says

    My mom married my dad when she was 25 and he was 40. He’s now 72, but you wouldn’t know it, because my brother and I keep him younger. He’s still one of my favorite drinking buddies. Even if he does turn into a pumpkin before midnight. 🙂

  5. ellen says

    Some are morning people, some are not…. luckily my husband and I both are not morning people although I do wake up hours before him no matter what time I go to bed. Actually the cats wake me up.

    And dont worry, in 8 years you will be AARP eligible 😉

    I married a man 5 years younger… he has had a heart attack (last winter) and now has cancer. He was active, in good shape, ate right etc. You never know what life is going to throw at you.

    My maritial tradeoff? I have bbeen married 30 years, so I dont much think of things in those terms. In some ways we are diferent as night and day. He is much more social. He is spontaneous and lives life like there is no tomorrow. I am more reserved, a homebody who is content with quiet and am sometimes a social nerd. He pushes me to do things, I push him to slow it down sometimes. It all works out.

  6. says

    I think it’s important for every couple to remember that you can’t have it all all the time. It’s just completely unrealistic. No one can be/say/do everything the way you’d do it. Marriage is a compromise.

  7. mary says

    Marital trade off? Hmm I never really thought about what ours is. It probably has to do with our roles? I’m in charge of the 4 kids schedules, he is in charge of our finances. lol

  8. says

    I’ve always dated men who were much older than myself hoping for maturity but unfortunately that never seemed to work for me as none were mature but in my current relationship, we are a year and a half apart in age and our trade off is I handle the decisions and he makes the money. It works because he’s not into keeping track of the bills and taking care of the home but I like to do all of that stuff so it works out.

  9. Pam Wattenbarger says

    My marital trade off is that my husband works a lot. We don’t have a lot of time together so we have to make the most of the time we have.

  10. says

    I know what my husband\’s marital trade-off is for me! I can\’t sit still. It means that I\’ve got most things covered which is good because my schedule is more flexible than his. However, I can\’t sit down & hang out. I just can\’t. He would love to sit & watch a movie together to unwind, but it\’s not in my nature.

  11. Nikki Wayne says

    Marriage is a wonderful thing. It should be enjoyed by both parties and all things should only be resolved inside the marriage.

  12. says

    I hear you girl. Jason is 7 years older than me, and I didn’t really think it was a major different. But now I’m 35 and he’s 42 and I can now feel our age gap. But I wouldn’t have it any other way!

  13. says

    I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it like this. I guess it’s that my husband is really social and so sometimes I either have to bow out of something and stay home or go and not be happy about it.

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