I love my husband truly, madly and deeply. I love our relationship with practically every fiber of my being. I love calling him my husband. I love that he has worn his wedding ring for the past 14 years 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I love how fiercely devoted he is to our marriage and to the life we’ve created. I also know this– having kids has created a bond between us that is hard to articulate. Having kids has united us in this shared, joint lifelong venture. So much of what we do; our decisions, our goals, what we hope for is based on creating a future for these two little souls that our love ultimately brought into this world. Our shared love for them has strengthened the love we have for one another. I know that when I look at my husband doing homework with our daughter- or helping our son practice on the piano my love for him seems to blossom. And when I look at my kids, and they mimic one of my husband’s mannerisms, once again I see our love reflected in them, and it just reintensifies the love I feel for him.
I also know this, had we not had kids over the course of our 14 year marriage there are many moments when, had it just been the two of us, I think it might have been over. If it was just the two of us I am not sure I would’ve felt this urge to keep fighting for our relationship and to weather the proverbial storms and struggles we faced both as a couple and as individuals. For me kids are a life game changer– and while I would never stay in my marriage if I felt it was no longer a loving and supportive relationship, I know that having my kids keeps me grounded and forces me to work on it so that I can provide them with a two parent home that is their soft place to fall. So I’ve always wondered how and what keeps couples who don’t have kids, married.
What is the glue that sustains married couples when that common goal of raising children and providing a home for them is not there?