If you could redo your wedding, would you?

I got married at the tender age of 25 and now at 38 years old it feels like I was a FETUS back then. I was completely and utterly swept up in wedding MANIA. I stopped eating so that I could be an itty, bitty bride, I wanted to overflowing flowers, the eight piece band, steak for all and yes my dear, sweet husband-to-be obliged me. We even did a full-out religious ceremony — which for my husband a secular, non-believing person was in and of itself a huge sign that he was ready to compromise and bend in ways he never would have imagined pre-marriage. And my new husband, out of the goodness and kindness of his heart and because I didn’t want to ask my cash-strapped parents who always seemed to be mired in financially dire straights to take out yet another mortgage they couldn’t afford to shoulder- paid for the entire shebang. I know, he’s a prince, really a TOTAL prince.

me and my dad at my wedding

Except now, as I look back on those table pictures- which by the way we had to pay an extra $200 per tale picture for- because the photographer said it wasn’t a part of the package (don’t even get me started with these all-inclusive packages they ripe you into and then once you sign the dotted line- somehow- NOTHING IS INCLUDED) and realize that I have remained friends with less than a handful of my guests. And I have a lot of regrets.

I know at 25 years old, I was still just trying to figure out who I was, I was certainly a bit shallow and may have put a lot more effort and thought into creating a facade for others so that I could be perceived a certain way. Now at 38, if I could get remarried and do it all over again here is what I’d do.

-NEVER get married in a tradition wedding hall.EVER. PERIOD. SO much money for a cookie cutter celebration. No I’d choose a place that felt very special and uniquely me- one that spoke to the best part of what I felt my relationship with my husband to be was.

– I’d choose LOTS of color- as opposed to the very blah colors of black, white and silver- which were so safe but BORING.

-I’d write my own vows and INSIST on incorporating them into a religious ceremony.

– I would invite maybe a 1/3 of the people I originally did- I’d keep it small and intimate so that we could ALL get once and drunk together without anyone getting offended.

-I would dance so many more dances with my father- than just the one- oh how I wish I could dance with my father again.


  1. says

    I’m with you on the cookie cutter thing. By the time I got married, all my friends had gotten married in the same church and had a reception at the same venue. I was so over it, so I did everything in my backyard. It was beautiful, and it saved me lots of money!

  2. says

    I wouldn’t change my wedding for the world. It was in Maui, HI as a destination wedding, and 40 people actually came. It was intimate, and it was a weekend of celebrating w/the most important people in my life. I had heard so many times the “big” wedding isn’t worth it in the end. Sure I wanted it, what girl doesn’t? But in the end I went w/the right choice, and we couldn’t have afforded the big thing on the budget I had. There is only ONE thing I would change, and surprisingly it would be my wedding dress. It was beautiful don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t exactly what I wanted. My mom loved it on me, and yes it did look great on me, but I still think it should’ve been different. My 1 regret is that b/c it was small, and we had a dinner afterwards w/no band, there was no father/daughter dance. I just wish there would’ve been a way to do it, but se la vie.

  3. says

    Nope. I got married in my early 30s with a large, but not absurdly extravagant wedding. I loved having a big wedding (not a single regret there). I loved the venue, flowers, food, cakes (we had one as a centerpiece on each table in lieu of floral arrangements), string quartet that my mother insisted on and paid for, the ceremony my dad wrote and presided over, plenty of “rituals” that I stole or made up, origami cranes everywhere (1000 of them – that people still tease me about), my dress. I would change two things if I could. I’d have picked a different DJ… he got that we didn’t want lots of “games” while people were trying to dance, but then was a stick in the mud about the chicken dance (which I insisted on) and didn’t really read the crowd well in terms of their mood. And I would have chosen a different wedding party… namely I’d have ditched my sister-in-laws (one of whom just got married and included all of her siblings and their partners other than my hubby and I) and the so-called-friend who was a bridesmaid. Probably would have ditched my other sister, too. =}

    I didn’t have a vision for what type of wedding I’d want when I was growing up, but the minute I became engaged, I came up with one pretty quickly. For the most part, it was EXACTLY what I’d do if I had to do it over again.

  4. says

    i had a small-ish wedding in a restaurant in soho, and it was perfect. or, at least it is now looking back a decade later. i’m sure at the time i had something or other i would have changed, like the candles in the chuppah almost lighting the rabbi on fire!

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