I’m at the point in my 17-year-marriage where I have finally have the courage to accept the things I can’t change and the wisdom to know the difference (yes I think that is part of the Alcoholics Anonymous mantra but any married over 10 years folk will tell you- you need to repeat that statement on a daily basis). It’s not that I’ve given up trying to change my husband-I don’t think I will EVER GET THERE ( and if I do it will only be if I’m in an otherwise catatonic state and can no longer make my wishes known) rather it’s that I realize in the daily grind of a relationship you have to carefully cherry pick the issues you want to work on. When you first get married you want to work on everything all the time-and after five years of banging your head against the wall you realize there are certain things that will never change and you need to bury them and move on.
So what have I buried in my marriage?
#1 The idea that my husband is paying attention to anything I say after I utter the words, “So this friend…” I now know my husband will nod his head in agreement when I talk about anything related to other women- but if I asked him to repeat verbatim what I said- THERE IS NO WAY HE COULD DO IT.
#2 The belief that my husband cares that I vacuum or make sure we all have clean clothes. Our ideas of clean are on opposite ends of the spectrum- I have finally come to grips with this- and as such -I do my best to ignore him whenever he says things like, ” You are going to break the vacuum and the washing machine”.
#3 That he will EVER BE EFFUSIVE about anything other than The Mets winning a game.
Why do I bring this up now? A few days ago I told him off-handedly that I was going out with a friend. I didn’t tell him the girl’s name because I figured he wasn’t listening anyhow and could care less ( which I am FINE WITH AND HAVE ACCEPTED- because I could really care less if Mets Pitcher Matt Harvey Strikes out a player).
I get back three hours later and he looks at me and says… ” Are you having an affair?”
I say: SAY WHAT? I told you I was going out with a friend.
He says: You didn’t tell me the name of the girl – I had no idea who or where you were going.
I say: I didn’t think you would care or that you were even paying attention.
He says: I do care… and you’re not having an affair right?!
I say: If I was- I would’ve gotten a bit more glammed up than this to go out- so no you’re safe.
I guess my husband IS paying attention….