How many of us have done things we never imagined we’d do- to keep our marriages intact and afloat?

If you live in NYC-like I do- then you are sure to have been privy to the barrage of accusations that have been hurled over the past couple of years between former New Jersey governor James McGreevey and his ex-wife Dina. If not, I’ll get you up speed…

During his brief tenure as governor, despite shooting commercials for the New Jersey board of tourism-with his wife and baby daughter, being portrayed as the picture perfect family, several months later- with his wife staunchly standing beside him- he proclaimed in an emergency news conference that he was, “A gay American who engaged in an extramarital affair with another man….”

At the time-in 2004, I remember driving in my car- hearing his confessional speech over the radio-I was pregnant with my second child, and hopped up on hormones-and although I hadn’t been privy to the visual of seeing his shell shocked wife Dina standing by his side with a completely glazed look over her eyes- dressed in the perfect powder blue smart suit… at that very moment all I could think of was my own marriage.

How much do we really know about the secret lives of the men we’re married to? The desires they cling to… I thought how any of us wives could be in Dina’s shoes and I felt a queasiness that that since that day, each time I see Dina and hear a sound bite of that speech washes over me.

All these years later this marriage gone south still haunts me.? I simply can’t comprehend why any woman, after learning that her husband had an affair- with another human being- no less another man-would agree to stand beside that man while he proclaimed to the entire world that he had had this homosexual extramarital affair.

I’ve seen her on talk shows after the fact…okay- I’ve even gone so far as to tivo the shows that I knew she’s been booked on-just to get a sense of what on Earth was swirling around in her perfectly coiffed blonde head during that highly publicized speech given by her ex-husband James McGreevey.

And then there was another  bombshell shocker– a former chauffeur claimed that he had sexual trysts with the former Governor and Dina which she vehemently denied…and yet my very first thought was, like many women who have done things they’re not comfortable with- but have done them in any case to “please their man” I imagine Dina probably allegedly engaged in those trysts because she was desperate to please her husband- and thought if she could fulfill his sexual fantasy and keep him happy, keep her position as first lady of New Jersey, her family intact, and the facade of happiness going- it might have been worth it.

None of us can ever know what it was like to be in her shoes, in her marriage, inside her head…how many of us have done things we never imagined we’d do- to keep our marriages intact and afloat?

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