Holding On To Your Good Looks After Marriage and is it acceptable to let yourself go or is it a sure fire way to kill your sex life?

I recently took part in a Huff Post Live Google Chat  talking about Holding On To Your Good Looks After Marriage… I know what you are thinking- because a year ago I would have been thinking the EXACT same thing. If you are in love; true, intoxicating- THE NOTEBOOK- kind of love your physical appearance shouldn’t amount to much. It isn’t you- it’s just your outer shell.  Regardless of whether you are 10 or 50 pounds over the weight you were when you got married-you are still the same person your spouse married.

And here are my thoughts on the matter- I know my husband ADORED me and thought I was gorgeous 25 pounds heavier than what I am now. I know it- because he made a point of telling me how beautiful I was everyday. But I could feel it, the ever expanding jean size, the flowing shirts I began to amass and the fact that I didn’t want him to see me naked. I felt it, and I also knew that I needed to make a change. Not for him or anyone else but for me. And I truly think that’s what is at the heart of the matter-that my desire to shed the extra weight had to come from within.

Of course I also think that the older we get and the longer we are married, the more complacent we become about certain things in our lives: our physical appearance often take a back seat to more pressing matters like– our kids, our dogs, our jobs, our lawns, our roach problems, the broken boiler, the mortgage payments, keeping our kids from muttering I’m bored every five minutes on a Sunday afternoon and well the list continues on and we put ourselves and as is often the case our bodies on the very bottom of the list.

Still the question remains do we shift our mentality once we settle down with someone or do we always feel pressure to be attractive? And as Dr. Phil says, “There is a difference between being comfortable in a marriage and being lazy in a marriage.”

And while I DON’T APPRECIATE Trista Sutter for setting us about to be forty year old women back with her full body mommy makeover-– I do think that taking care of your body and the way you look is something you need and want to be willing to do for yourself and NOT for your spouse, and it’s not about getting comfortable in a marriage or lazy- it’s about reminding yourself that YOU need to be a little selfish and take care of your body for you– and of course your husband/spouse might just reap the benefits….

After years of marriage and a few kids couples tend to let their appearances slide.  Is it acceptable to let yourself go or is it a sure fire way to kill your sex life?


  1. says

    I am a BIG believer in a woman always, and I mean even when she’s 80 always, taking care of herself. This is not about the man. This is about the way we feel inside. I know that when I let myself go I feel as gross as I look…or a lot worse. And in order to be that great non-bitchy wife on the inside, we need to feel as great about ourselves as humanly possible. We already have our bitch hormones trying to ruin that for us every day. So yes, I say get off your lazy tush and work out, eat right, put on some makeup and get yourself dressed every day…do it for you!

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