Let me just preface this post with the following disclaimer; after years of writing articles that regale readers with the notion that major life situations can be neatly wrapped and tied with a bow in five easy steps I am here to tell you those “tip lists” are about as effective as those miracle cellulite creams.
But, so as not to completely rain on your parade, because really if we have nothing to believe in and strive for- then we might just never attempt to enter into a marital union or keep the one we’re in a chugging along – here are my top four tips to an almost perfect marriage.
1) Pick your battles. After 17 years of marriage I can honestly say- there are certain arguments with my husband that I will never win. Like the fact that he sees no crumbs on the floor, when clearly the floor is littered with crumbs or sees nothing wrong with letting our 11 year old wear the same pair of jeans to school for an entire week. And short of spending the next 17 years arguing about the same things- I’ve finally learned that the crumbs can stay- but my son needs to change his jeans- lest the school call social services on us for child neglect. (Or my kid be labeled the Pig Pen of his grade.)
2) Pretend you don’t have in-laws. Here’s the thing– unless you live in the same house with your in-laws- in which case it would be kind of hard to pretend they’re not there ( although I have known some men capable of pulling off such a seemingly impossible feat) on a day-to-day basis do you really need to have them be the focal point of your conversations?!
3) Walk around in a thong whenever humanly possible. Even if you’re sporting a bit of a muffin top– by baring all that extra flesh your husband will have a more difficult time focusing on the reason he’s angry at you.
4) Always address your husband as “Love”. Whether it’s asking him to take out the garbage or inquiring as to whether or not he scheduled your kids’ flu shots if you start every sentence off with Love; i.e., ” Love can you take the dog out for a walk?” he’ll have a tough time doing anything other than blowing kisses at you.
Your turn got any to add?!