Do you still get butterflies?

I’m just going to come right out and say it. I don’t still get butterflies when I see my husband. Does that mean I’m falling out of love with him? Does it mean our love is not a strong as it once was?

When I ask him the same question he doesn’t respond at first. And then he says, “Well we’re used to each other and I feel bad that you don’t get butterflies because it’s a good, exciting feeling.”

But the truth is it’s hard to keep that excitement going in a marriage when you have a daughter who needs help with her three hours of nightly homework assignments, a son who was just sent home with a pretty bad report from a teacher (in a cursive handwritten note in RED INK no less) a dog who needs to be hand fed- oh yeah and that last rainfall you got- well it clued you into a brand new leak in your roof…

Here’s what I think- it has to be normal- you see that person day in and day out– there’s very little mystery left and unless you get butterflies over the fact that red peppers were on sale. Getting butterflies when your spouse walks in the room, on just an average ordinary day.. in his jeans and sweatshirt is likely not going to illicit the same butterflies seeing him walking into a room when you first met once did,(oh and in my case he’s wearing those same clothes).

The husband says, “You still excite me, but in a different way. You still turn me on but the day to day activities well they take away that newness and infatuation. And that’s what butterflies are they are newness and not true love. True love is dedication, respect…it’s just a different feeling especially after many years. It’s a stronger, deeper love– its better than butterflies. Now let’s hit the couch- with a bag of pretzels.”


  1. Mae Lai says

    You two need to get away from those daily routine.
    Try to have a vacation without kids during spring or summer break.
    Go out to have fun to rekindle the romance.

  2. says

    I love this!! I think the butterflies come and go, but you are so right marriage and love is about so much more than feelings and butterflies. I love my husband so much, and we are both 100% committed to each other and our marriage, but usually I don’t get butterflies either. Still live being with him and holding his hand but the newness of it is gone… But it has been replaced by years of love and dedication, so I think it’s fine, and even good! <3

  3. tola says

    Hi Melissa,
    I read a post or blog about your waning beliefs in the face of convincing arguments from your evolutionist husband and instability caused by the untimely death of your dad. I do not know you at all and had never ran across anything that you had written, yet I felt compelled to contact you to encourage in you faith.

    You see, despite the fact that you hold jewish beliefs and I am a Christian we both share a common origin to our faith. I wanted to write simply you to encourage delve into the first book of the Torah (Genesis) and read everything you can from a site called Answers in Genesis or I am confident you will find all the help you need to ignite and continue to thieve in your faith and the needed understanding to effectively share your new findings with your husband and children. I hope you will not hesitate to do this reading. With prayer for understanding and a persevering appetite you stabilize all that you have come to hold dear. Shalom to you!

  4. Finn says

    I think the butterflies do come and go, and it is linked to the feeling of newness in the relationship. I’ve been married eight years, and when I have felt butterflies for my wife, it is when we’ve “rebooted” our marriage. Its when I’ve realized that I’m not as close to her as I want to be, and I make a committed effort to feel those old feelings again, remember why I fell in love with her, and try to share some of those same experiences we did when we first met. It’s the day to day routine that kind of spoils that. I think it takes real effort to always see your spouse as that amazing person you never want to let go.

    Don’t mistake me. I’ve always been committed to our relationship, and have never wanted us to part ways. What it really boils down to is taking my wife for granted, and my kids for that matter, too.

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