Do you get mad at your spouse or do you hold a grudge?

I am married to a passive aggressive man. I knew this cold, hard truth within the first month of dating. And so,  throughout our relationship any kind of demonstrative angered reaction on my part, which seems to only become incredibly heightened in contrast to his passive aggressive nature has me juxtaposed as the shrew, to his quiet, calm self. But I’m not a shrew- I’m just a person who has the words to articulate what is bothering me- and to vocalize that frustration. Whereas my husband will hold those feelings very close to the vest- in fact he almost never reveals any extreme feelings of anger or sadness unless under direst.

After 13 years of marriage, despite my natural inclinations to want to just get my angry feelings off my chest, I often find myself swallowing them  and allowing them to marinate in the bile of my stomach acid, until my tipping point– which usually comes after a weekend away with my sugar daddy, who in his very passive aggressive way makes these hardly audible comments about the same issues , knowing full well that I have razor sharp hearing skills and that each phrase he utters is like a prickly needle right into my cornea. But being away for a pseudo vacation, I do my best not to let his quiet quips get to me- and after 13 years of marriage you’d think I’d be able to allow these passive aggressive reactions of his to roll off my back -  as I immerse myself in the ocean’s waves. But more often than not those oh so pointed quips have me nearly ready to pull his fingernails off one by one. And against my better judgment- I explode, I release the mini grudges I’ve been holding back- until they’re a large avalanche of grudges that come toppling down, and nearly burying my partner.

Of course when I’ve cleansed my soul- I feel exorcised and renewed. Whereas my passive aggressive husband- looks at me and continues to utter those six words that perfectly encapsulate his behavior, “I don’t understand what I did wrong”. And so we sit in veritable silence for the last two hour leg of our trip, and I wonder when if ever this man will get it…

 

Comments

  1. says

    I doubt it. For me and mine we are the opposite, I normally let things go until I can no longer do it and then I let loose. In the end I am told, “How was I suppose to know? Why did you never say anything? I thought it was okay to go to a strip club?” Yet, I’m the one suppose to feel guilty. I doubt they’ll ever understand, because they already know how we really feel no matter what they say because it is normally the same actions that upset us in the first place. Right?

  2. says

    I like to do both. Yell and scream, which is cleansing and soothing and then hold a grudge.

    Sorry, guys! I’m off the market!