Last night I was on twitter and facebook ( yes not really a big stretch for me- considering that my daughter admonished me and said, the reason for all my looming deadlines is because I’m addicted to twitter and facebook.) I could only HANG my head in shame because this little 11 year old has me figured out to a T… but I digress.
A couple I know, who lived together for five years and just tied the knot- after six months of what I thought was wedded- bliss decided to call it quits. Of course they are not the first or last couple to find themselves in such a predicament- but what has me slightly thrown for a loop is the fact that; A) A couple would be together for five years and not take the plunge sooner. B) After being together for five years after a swift marital union, would decide to break it off.
I never really understood the couple who could be in a committed relationship for so long- without making it official-aka- legally chaining themselves to one another as my oh so prolific friend Carolyn Edgar would say. And, if you are with someone for five years, wouldn’t you know all there is to know about this person– (which is kind of why I moved in my husband after getting engaged- to test the waters and make sure we could indeed live together without strangling each other to death).
Is it something about being legally chained to another–the vice of marriage slowly cutting off your air supply, feeling like- now that you’re in and legally bound to this person- if you donâ€™t get out sooner than later– ultimately you won’t be able to eave? Does being married change the way you view the person you’re with– does it add an extra layer of anxiety- frustration- or a sense that now you expect more form this person because well- he’s your spouse and as your spouse he OWES you certain things- that as a boyfriend- you let fall by the way side.
Does being married ultimately put too much pressure on a relationship… or as Carolyn Edgar so articulately said to me…
“If you’re engaged for that long, you already know you shouldn’t/don’t want to get married. But you go through with it out of a sense of obligation -and by doing so, confirm what you already knew. Smart ones get out early, before kids & such. I think marriage is more than just paper. Realizing you are legally chained to this person is eye opening. You realize the longer you stay, the harder it is to get out. I think that’s why the quick trigger divorce.”
Or maybe… even after so many years with someone… do you ever really know if indeed he/she is the one?