Â When I first met my husband 12 years agoÂ I thought our opposite personalitiesÂ complimented each other. It was likeÂ we wereÂ two pieces of this grand puzzle and somehow amidst the trillions of other pieces out there; despite how jagged I seemed compared to his smooth exteriorÂ our parts just fit.
In the beginning our opposite natures were simple;Â I’m crazy about all things caffeinated, he wonâ€™t touch the stuff. Iâ€™d prefer to stay up to the wee hours of the morning; he canâ€™t keep his eyes open past 9 pm.Â I would give anything for a few extra hours of sleep in the morning, while heâ€™s bright eyed and bushy-tailed at 7 am. I cannot bear to bottle up your feelings; he would rather stick pins in his eyes than to have a â€œtalk.â€
And in the infancy stage of our marriage, when it was all shiny and new, although myÂ husband and IÂ have personalities that could not be more extremely polar opposite from one another when we wereÂ together,Â itâ€™s as if all those opposite characteristics faded into the background and the two ofÂ us simply couldn’t bear to be without the other.
Yet the toll of our current situation, aka, my husband deciding to redefine his life’s expectations, has created this chasm between us- that seems to be widening just a bit more every day. It seems this situation is forcing me toÂ head-on- day in and day out face up to how truly different we are. And I don’t like what I see and feel this surge of resentment steadily working its way up from the pit of my stomach into my throat resulting in this silent screaming in my head.
I started this blog to be honest; honest about my marriage, my relationship, and as a place where others couldÂ vent their issues with their spouses and feel like here was their soft place to land. And so as I struggle in my own marriageÂ to stay the course, whichÂ G-D knows is SO much easier said than done- and if I lived in the fifties when divorce was akin to a mortal sin- I may have just channeled my frustrations into swigging back pills and vodka ala the Days of Wine and Roses. But I know Iâ€™m not alone in my marital discord- I’m just one of thousands who take this leap of faith to bind themselves to another virtual stranger- procreate and hope they can live out the rest of their lives in a monogamous, happily ever after dream.
I know “airing my grievances” is not going to help my marriage– but it sure feels just a tad bit better to put it out there into the universe in the hopes that others will nod their heads in agreement and maybe just maybe offer their experiences via a comment.