Are you in your 60’s and TRYING to date? My mother is attempting to stick the tip of her pinkie toe in this pool- and HOLY COW….it is HARD and scary and there are a lot of really *interesting*men out there. Of course let me preface this post with this disclaimer- my mother, if left to her own devices would sit in her bed and stream Bette Davis films on Netflix 24/7- so my siblings and I are setting up online dating profiles for her and making the rounds. And it is a brave new and BRUTAL world especially if you are a woman over 35 years old.
Yes, you read that right- 35 years old. Men who are in their sixties want women who are 35- and in their profiles and private messages have made it perfectly clear that they want a woman who has a good body and can still shtoop aka yiddush for have sex. And the truth is my mother is terrified- and says she is not taking her clothes off for anyone, unless he’s got a scalpel and is wearing a white coat. And who could blame her– most of these men seem to be sex starved and hunting young prey- and are not even mildly interested in getting acquainted with someone who is of their generation. I told my mother we need to start looking at the ninety years olds- at which point she has said- Ok- because they probably wont care if I don’t want to shtoop.
But really how does an older woman brave this minefield of dating- after an eternity of being with just one man. Here is some sage advice from the Show Millionaire Matchmaker:
#1-Men marry virtue not vagina. (This tip proved to offer some comfort to my mother who says she is FULL OF VIRTUE and doesn’t even like to utter that other V word).
#2 -Men beg for sex they are not going to get. Another tip my mother liked, as she said- she is an EXPERT at playing hard to get.
#3 -Remember that we can mush together our thoughts and feelings- whereas men can either feel or think. My mother says she would rather these men just THINK about ANYTHING but sex.
#4 -The pilot and the pilot don’t fly the plane. The right man has to be bigger, stronger and more masculine than you. If you want to be with a man leave your plastic balls some where else. My mother says she will keep this in mind and not tell the guy what to do when they are in a car and he refuses to ask for directions.
And of course I just Had to share this texting cheat sheet with my mom
And I reminded her if all else fails to take a page from these 23 Senior Citizens Who Don’t Give A F*@k Because being old means having nothing left to prove.