I have this conversation with my husband at least once a month. And it always goes something like this:
Me: “Honey I know I can be friends with a man.”
My husband: “No you can’t, ultimately every man that is friends with a woman is only doing it because what he really wants is to sleep with her and he’s just waiting for that moment when they finally have sex.”
Of course I donâ€™t agree- and yet my husbandâ€™s feelings are what have kept me from maintaining close relationships with men who were really good friends, before I got married. And no we werenâ€™t the kind of friends who kissed on the lips- or enjoyed any extracurricular physical benefits. We were confidantes and eachother’s wing men. We were the kind of friends who could talk endlessly; with no judgment, no competitive streak just with the best of intentions. And these friends, well they just so happened to be males.
One of these friends, who emails me every so often, with just a few words can summon up my feelings of love and loss over the friendship we once shared; his indelible imprint on my person was so impactful, that even after years of not seeing him just a note can evoke a floodgate of memories.
I guess I miss his friendship but my husbandâ€™s feelings of jealousy (which I think are kinda cute) trump any friendships which in hindsight is bathed in a gauzy, untouchable light. Still when I get the occasional email from him and I experience this surge of feeling well up in me- I wonder if what my husband says is true– is it really impossible for men and women to be friends without the whole SEX thing getting in the way?