Are you in a sexless marriage?

I’ll be the first one to come clean- after 13 years of marriage- swinging from the chandeliers, tie my wrists to the bed posts sex session is a rarity. I am lucky if my husband and I get to physically connect on a bi-monthly basis. And yes I feel guilty, anxious and slightly panicked over the state of my current-virtually sex-free relationship and I wonder, are my husband and I more like glorified roomies than husband and wife?

Marc Stamas/Getty Images; Shahar Azran/Filmmagic

Of course I know I am not alone in my waning physical relationship- in fact Camille Grammar of Bravo Housewives of Beverly Hills infamy admitted that she and her now estranged husband Kelsey Grammar hadn’t had sex for two years before they divorced. So what’s in the water with us married folk and why aren‘t we getting it on more?

While I can’t speak for Kelsey and Camille- personally I am deeply, madly and passionately in love with my husband. Of course feeling those things does not make getting down to the dirty deed any easier, especially when I have a six year old little boy who despite having a big boy bed, manages to sleep in between my husband and I on a nightly basis. And though I can’t use the excuse of breastfeeding a small baby, as the reason I’m not spending more time under the covers with my man, I will say this; being a mom saddled with so many responsibilities and issues, does cut into my sex schedule. And for those of you moms with small kids, who think it’s the diapers and bottles that are keeping you and your husband from getting your sex on let me say this; as your kids get older their demands and needs get far more complicated and cannot be wished away with a quick diaper change, a kiss on a boo-boo and some magic fairy dust.

I also know having that kind of physical reconnection, when it does happen for us and we can manage to make the effort and time- bonds us on so much more than a physical level. When you’ve been with the same person for 13 years and shared every intimate detail of their world, sex is anything but perfunctory- it’s akin to coming home and reigniting that flame that has kept you together. So I ask you dear readers… what can us married folk do to make sure we’re doing it more than twice a month because clearly, at least in my case, I don’t want to end up like Camille and Kelsey!

Comments

  1. Meredith says

    I gotta say, after 13 years of marriage with a kid who sleeps in your bed every night, twice a month doesn’t seem too bad. My advice is get the kid outta your bed!