Apparently some believe you should stay in a marriage, no matter what

I believe you have to fight for your marriage- or in other words, you need to work on it every day. Like a job, like anything that is worth something to you- your marriage/relationship needs to be nurtured, cared for, watered and beautified to the best of your ability.

I also wrote this article a while ago 7 Signs It’s Time to End Your Relationship in which I stated that while you may love the person you’re with- sometimes that familiarity- whether we realize it or not develops into more of a friendly but devoid of sexual chemistry relationship. And you end up feeling more akin to roommates than lovers.  The relationship is comfortable, but it’s also stale and stifling. You start thinking: If I’m going to be lonely, wouldn’t it be better to actually be alone?

Then I offered some advice, for those married couples who may have found themselves in such an unenviable position, about steps they could consider when making the decision as to whether or not it might be time to take action and end their relationship.

One reader took MAJOR offense to my position and expressed her disgust with this article. Here’s what she said…

“You sound like a lot of us who have been influenced by our current culture of “what’s in it for me” — and I don’t mean that in a critical way.  Our culture feeds us on that 24/7.  But it leaves us with having issues with giving in a relationship.  That “can’t live without feeling” is just a feeling — and it passes/mellows, and then life sets in, and relationships require giving, sacrifice, and work — that is love.  That “can’t live without” feeling is not love.  It might be lust, but it ain’t love.  Many divorced people later realize they would have been wiser to stay in their marriage and work on it.  Men are not like shampoo.  We can’t just drop them and expect to find another one we like better.  I agree with you that some relationships should be ended, but I was saddened by your article, because it advised people to leave marriages and relationships that were merely imperfect.  All marriages and relationships are imperfect; running away and abandoning responsibility is not the answer.”

So I ask you dear Married my Sugar Daddy readers… do you stay and work on a marriage when it simply feels like you’re beating a dead horse, out of allegiance to the vows you took when you said I do?  Is it ever okay to walk away?

Comments

  1. says

    After 14 years of marriage, I woke up next to my wife and realized we were just staying together because of convenience – ‘convenience’ to her meant a new car every couple years and a bigger house. Convenience, to me, meant I could work 20 hours a day and no one would nag me about it.

    We fought for a couple of months, (probably the only time either of us expressed any passion), then I decided to leave.

    I left. I think the only time she missed me was when she didn’t get her new ‘C’ Class Mercedes for Christmas the first year after we broke up – believe me, I heard about it. Loud and clear from 2,000 miles away.

    We didn’t have any kids. If I had had kids, I would have taken them and left, too…

    Bad relationships just tend to get worse as time goes on. I like life too much to waste my time being with someone in a relationship who only sees my wallet. And, if I had kids, I would have done everything to make sure they were harmed by any relationship I had with any woman.

  2. Deb says

    I would absolutely encourage my friends to walk away from an abusive relationship (verbal or physical) or from an addict (alcohol, drugs, gambling, porn, etc) who refused to get treatment or from a serial cheater. If someone abuses you in that way, you have no obligation to them.

    But I do think marriage vows mean something. If you love someone enough to get married, you should love them enough to work on your relationship and to rekindle that spark. And you should have enough loyalty not to trade them in for a younger model if they get some wrinkles or gain some weight. So I do believe that couples should try everything (therapy, retreats, etc) to stay together unless they are in an abusive relationship, married to an unreformed addict or a serial cheater. I do have some friends who were able to save their marriages even after infidelity or rehab, and I know that I personally had a few rough spots where we felt more like loving roommates after the birth of our children than like lovers. But we stuck it out and rekindled our love for each other.

  3. Jessica says

    I love your response, Deb! And I also completely agree with the readers comments you quoted in your post. A marriage is something of value and should certainly be treated as such. <3

  4. says

    I’m currently going through the “my husband is annoying me” and ” I’m hot, don’t touch me” phase LOL I come from a family of single Moms so I truly value my marriage and want to make it work. I pick and choose my battles and we work though it but the only way I would leave him would be if he cheated or physically abused me. I love being a mother, his wife and watching him be a Dad :)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *