After 14 years of marriage there are three things my husband STILL DOESN’T GET

When you really think about this thing called marriage and the fact that all of a sudden you are supposed to become enmeshed in the life of this person to whom you have no flesh and blood ties, the reality is that getting to know your spouse on a truly intimate level  is a long, lifetime process. In fact at times it is a steep learning curve for both spouses, unless you are one of the extremely lucky few who married their fifth grade crush, yes I know a couple who did just that, and therefore you are both acutely aware of each others’ histories and all that fun stuff you endured (acne, braces, bad hair, etc) during your growing up process. In my case, I didn’t meet my husband till the ripe old age of 23 and so he was not clued into my idiosyncrasies and the fact that each month when my aunt flo comes to visit, I need to have a full-blown, heaving, sobbing meltdown.
The truth is when you marry someone, other than what he/she divulges to you about their past experiences, you have no real insight into all the forces and experiences that shaped this person you will soon call your spouse. And as I’ve told my husband time and again, it is only  through the process of living and being tethered to me and the institution of marriage that  he will ultimately discover my true self and be schooled in the sometimes quirky behaviors of the feminine persuasion.
So while my husband is still learning my ways, I can safely say after 14 years there are certain behaviors (he affectionately refers to them as “stuff I will never understand”) that I don’t believe my husband will ever truly make peace with, even if we make it to that golden 50th year of wedded bliss together.
While I could rattle off at least 30 things, here are the top three that have proven illusive and  have caused us to occasionally break a lamp every once in a while. (Don’t be alarmed, the standard rule is the person throwing said lamp cannot aim it at the other spouse)
#1  My inability to not feel really, really icky when my aunt flo comes to town. You’d think after 14 years of living with me, my husband would understand that I am NOT exaggerating the cramps I must endure every month. And yet every month, as I am in the midst of my “cycle” without fail my husband will say to me, “C’mon honey you really don’t feel good?” And yes, it takes everything in my power not to whack him over the head with any sharp object at my disposable during those moments.
#2  My need to wear makeup, or at the very least pencil in my white haired eyebrows when I leave the house. He really doesn’t see why I would ever need or want to put makeup on my face. He always asks who I am getting pretty for and laments the fact that I am wasting my time.
#3  My need to watch any and all reality shows. He really and truly does not share my affinity for such programs which he calls “pure drivel”, to which I say, I don’t understand how you can watch men chase a ball up and down a court endlessly… touché!


  1. Jessica @peekababy says

    #1 is just that men have never had to endure menstrual cramps or childbirth and therefore have no clue. Remind him what it’s like to be kicked in the balls during a sports game…;)
    #3 means the bartering gurus who market reality tv to women know what they’re doing

    #2 is the best news ever– it means he thinks you look fabulous and sexy au natural. This can only help 60 years from now 😀

  2. says

    Haha. My husband is happy to get out of my way when Aunt Flo comes to town, which unfortunately is all too often. And he doesn’t mind the makeup so much. But yeah… reality TV is a complete bafflement to him. We are going on 14 years as well, and some things will never change, that is FOR SURE.

  3. says

    I don’t think men can ever understand our cycles… but reality TV? Really? I’m with him… I don’t much get it. My significant other has me watching that stupid Duck Dynasty show with him and although I laugh, I don’t get it.

  4. says

    Congrats on 14 years! It’s amazing how married partners still have to work so hard to understand each other. I feel like I know my husband inside and out, yet I can’t seem to figure out some of his quirks. I guess marriage is like committing yourself to a lifetime to trying to solve a puzzle.

  5. says

    HA! I have all of those and also my husband doesn’t know what “straighten” means after 20 years. He still has to ask, whenever the topic is broached. Like it’s the first time he’s learning the meaning of clutter…

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