After 13 years of marriage my husband wants me to take his last name

When my husband and I got married 13 years ago– EEK I cannot believe I am that old married lady married 13 years- but I digress…here I was a 25-year-old writer who was truly on the  cusp of a career, and well I felt like my byline was something that was all mine. My name was uniquely me–and it honestly had nothing to do with this man I was about to marry. He was not the one who endured internships at Sassy and BillBoard magazine spending countless hours opening up  snail mail-fingers all paper cutted up and bleeding- by editors who treated me like the query letters they so cavalierly tossed in the trash. He was not the one who spent two years of his career toiling at some Business publication writing about commercial property news( to the point of nausea) just to amass clips and he was not the one who had to endure a certain nasty anchorwoman’s wrath at a six month intolerable news station assignment.

In short- after all the work and time I’d dedicated under the moniker Melissa Chapman, I honestly just didn’t want to give up that person. It’s true I loved my husband deeply, madly and passionately but I also loved me. I loved the woman I was evolving into, I loved the woman and career I had spent years cultivating, and just didn’t feel right about having to essentially erase that person and start fresh. 13 years ago, my husband while not completely happy with my decision, said he accepted it. Now–all these years later he says he thinks it would be nice if we all had the same last name and less confusing for everyone. And while he’s right– it is a ROYAL pain the rump having to explain that yes these are my kids, even though we don’t share the same last name whenever we are in situations that require ID..I still don’t feel ready- and don’t think I ever will- to relinquish my maiden name.

So…what’s your feeling  on taking your husband’s  last name? (Personally I thought I felt like one of the kids should have taken MY last name….the hubs did not agree!)




  1. says

    I so hear you. I have been Hadassah Sabo all my life. Even through my first marriage – well, because in Quebec women don’t legally change their names after marriage.

    Along comes KoD and asks me to take his name. Initially I told him no way no how for many of the same reasons you stated above. We compromised. I added his name to mine. Yes my last name is unwieldy, but it makes us both happy.

    My kids – they have their father’s last name. So there are three last names in one household. How’s that for confusing??

  2. says

    I admit I wasn’t in the same place as you professionally when I got married, but I was proud of my maiden name. My Dad has always been very proud of his Danish heritage and our last name of Borg.
    I took Borg officially as my middle name for my first marriage & 2nd.
    I also used Borg as my 4th son’s middle name.
    Since I’m on my 2nd marriage, I now do not have the same name as my boys, but do have the same last name as my step children. So it is a bit odd at time. But my boys are older. I think I would have had a hard time not having the same last name as them when they were younger.
    It’s a tough call, but I don’t feel that I “lost” who I was when I gave up my maiden name – I just added onto who I was. 🙂

  3. says

    I kept my name.

    It is definitely a hassle when – for example – a pharmacist doesn’t believe that I have the right to pick up medication for my child because his last name is different than mine. But – I wanted to keep my identity. (Meanwhile, one of my sons says that he wants to change his last name to mine when he’s legally able to do so.)

    My husband doesn’t mind, but several members of his family do, so frequently address me with his last name even though they know I didn’t change it.

  4. says

    I used my maiden name as middle name and then my husband last name. It worked because I didn’t have middle name to begin with, and for me it was the perfect way to keep both.

  5. says

    Funny thing about my married name… My husband of 18 years was born with the last name Taylor. Mine was Haniff. I never legally changed my last name. We ended up legally changing his last name 5 year into the marriage and we are now known as the Ismail’s. Crazy, eh?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *