Sitting at a wedding this past weekend with my husband –who I will be married to for a total of 18 years this December ( EEK!) –we began talking about all the things we wish we could tell our younger about-to-be-married selves about marriage–and all the things NOT TO DO…
And I know I’m not alone in wistfully looking back on these past 17 years and thinking– GEE what the hell was I thinking when I invited that person to my wedding– and why didn’t I just do what I wanted- why did I feel so compelled to please everyone but myself? I also know I am not the only bride who wishes she could look her younger self square in the jaw and say-” Hey babe, do what you want- this is your wedding, your marriage, your life. Also don’t be a right fighter and try to remember to enjoy yourself every once in a while ESPECIALLY before you start popping out those kids!
So I took an informal poll and asked a bunch of incredibly smart and accomplished women for their take on what they wish they could tell their younger soon to be married selves about what’s truly important in marriage– and here are their golden nuggets of wisdom!
“I would elope.”
“hmm, let me think. For my wedding, I wouldn’t really change anything except that I wouldn’t have let my mother start up with my grandfather and thus he didn’t come. For my marriage, I would have not tried to be the little wifey so much-my husband is so spoiled.
I would have bought a house and had an intimate gathering with family and friends.. (we do own now I just would rather have invested more )
I would have been married another year or two before we had kids so we could have explored more of the world together/ We were pregnant within the first year of being married.
I would have had a small wedding with just family. I feel that all of the details (flowers, seating arrangements, dessert decisions, family photos) got in the way. I also would not have registered for gifts, that also took too much time and energy.
I think it’s a common thought. I would have made a smaller, less lavish wedding and waited longer to have kids. I was 33 and worried that it would take a while to become pregnant (Ben was born almost 14 months after our wedding).
I’d choose a different husband (says the divorcee)
I concur– Thank G-d for second chances.
Here’s what I wish I’d done differently for the wedding:
1. Gotten padding sewn into the bosom of the dress, like the lady at Kleinfeld’s told me to.
2. Had enough foresight to realize that the staff at the historic Fort Hamilton were too goyish to know that when we asked for a glass for the end of the ceremony for Dave to step on, we wanted a THIN glass, not a lowball glass. Poor guy – it kept slipping out from the napkin each time he tried to stomp on it – he had to chase it around for a little while before he finally ended up taking it and throwing it against the wall. THEN it broke.Here’s what I would change about the marriage: Absolutely nothing. I’m sorry, I know I’m in the minority and extremely fortunate, but it’s the truth.
I so love everyone of these comments. What would I change and did change? Stop being so conciliatory and speaking my mind up front. MY DH is of the mind that “everyone is entitled to his opinion.” More often than not we laugh about it…but when he’s being an asshole – now we get that out in the open real fast. So there!
So tell me- if you could tell your younger, about-to-be-married-blushing-bride-to- be-self one thing- what would it be?