A lot can change in the span of a 17-year-marriage

I look at my husband the man I met at the very tender and fragile age of 22 and think of all the things I didn’t know about myself then.  All these years later ( we’ll be married 17 years on December 19th)  what would I tell my 22 year-old self about his thing we call marriage?

A lot can change in the span of a 17-year-marriage

-Don’t expect your husband to complete you. I am the first one to admit that I love that sappy Jerry Maguire movie and practically go weak in the knees when Tom Cruise utters that now infamous line, “You complete me,” but I also know that hearing it and believing in its power has been pretty detrimental to me and what I expected out of my marriage. After 16 years I get it– NO ONE can complete me, I need to complete myself and the man I marry will love that completed person and not the person who needs him to be complete.

 A lot can change in the span of a 16-year-marriage

-People don’t change who they inherently are. AH such a TOUGH thing to fully swallow but it is true. The things that bothered me about my husband when we met… 17 years later are the arguments I’m STILL trying to win. Sure my husband has tried to appease me in certain ways, but his inherent qualities… he simply can’t change.

-You marry your husband; not your in-laws. Both of you really need to be on board with this one– because A LOT of water accumulates under that proverbial bridge in the course of 17 years, but if you can hold each other in a special place- and not allow the noise of in-laws to infiltrate the relationship and nuclear unit you’ve created- your marriage will, believe it or not, strengthen as oppose to weaken.

– Don’t be a right fighter. So you win arguments, and your husband will say yes honey, you’re right… and you think that’s what will make you happy. But it doesn’t. Being right doesn’t equal being happy. Sometimes you have to take one for the team and let someone else win.

-If you marry a sugar daddy (purely for the sugar) you’re making a HUGE mistake. I named this site Married my sugar daddy as a play on words- more so because of the 15-year age gap between my husband and I than anything else. But at 23 years old I thought I was marrying a man who would be wearing a stethoscope till the ripe old age of at least 75. Of course things change, careers change, people re-evaluate where they want to be as they reach their mid-life and if money, status and prestige are a strong undercurrent of your relationship (as opposed to love)… you’ll be up a creek with no paddle. (Don’t you love my aquatic references?!)

-Don’t look backwards- look ahead… because it’s just TOO DARN DEPRESSING to look at those pictures of the two of you when you first met… getting older can be a real BITCH!

So what would you tell your blushing bride to be self?


  1. says

    I think this is all fantastic advice, although I’m not sure I entirely agree on the inlaws. I do agree that you have to separate from them, but I also think that it is important to consider the family of the person you marry. Your inlaws will be the grandparents to your children, and if they aren’t the type of people you want in your kids’ lives, that is going to complicate the marriage relationship in ways you really can’t predict. Just food for thought. 😉

    I always love hearing your thoughts on marriage. And I TOTALLY agree with #1. Like, so passionately. If you’re looking for someone else to complete you, you are setting yourself up for some major disappointment, and that is a hella lot of pressure to put on a marriage.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *