A husband’s perspective: Is it ever okay to unearth the ex-files once you’re married?

This Friday we’re talking unearthing the EX-Files when you’re married and whether or not that is a pandora’s box that should or should NEVER be explored.

Is it ever okay to unearth the ex-files once you're married?

And so without any further ado here is The Sugar Daddy’s take:

Discussions about ex-girlfriends is a topic full of minefields. When this topic is brought up it has to be done with the attitude that there was a reason why these are ex-girlfriends. When a woman is brought up any comparisons must be done with the confidence that your CURRENT relationship is stronger than any of these ex-girlfriend’s strong assets. Then and only then can discussions about ex-girlfriends take place.

Unfortunately this topic can lead to comparisons and if there are any insecurities one of the partners may have this can exacerbate that insecurity. It is for this reason that this topic should be avoided in a relationship. It is very similar to discussions of fantasy partners with famous or people we know. These discussions have a lot of potential for bringing out jealousy.

As a husband, personally, I prefer to discuss how my wife and I can improve our relationship, avoid comparisons to other people currently known or in our past and focus on the strengths of our relationship and not try to change our partners or compare them.

Your turn: Is it ever okay to unearth the ex-files once you’re married?

Comments

  1. Jennifer says

    My husband and I pretty much know details about the majority of at the very least our more recent exes and neither of us is very jealous. We’re both people who have remained friends with SOME of these exes, so it’s probably different than for some couples where even the subject it taboo.

    I believe that whether or not you can talk about exes, maintain friendships with exes, etc. solely depends on the relationship you are in. If you end up with someone who does get jealous, forget it. I’ve gotten jealous ONCE. It was reasonable given the situation – long story. But, I guess I feel like for the most part, they are exes because they weren’t right for him. My husband told EVERYONE EVER that he would never get married, but we did, so I feel like he would not have done that if he didn’t feel I was the right one. So the exes are inconsequential and he feels the same way. Knowing those stories, can help you learn more about your partner sometimes, can help you learn what NOT to do sometimes, but if it does make you uncomfortable, and I’ve seen those couples, DO NOT TALK ABOUT EXES.

  2. Mary Beth Elderton says

    By the time you get out of high school, you’ve almost certainly had at least one boyfriend/girlfriend. So? By the time you get to be mid-twenties or so, you’ve probably had at least one “more serious” relationship. So? If you have remained friends with an “ex” it is likely that your friendship is based on something entirely different from what it takes to have a long term, “real” relationship. Okay. The point is that there probably is no comparison at all with any of these people and your marriage/current relationship. I agree Mr Sugar Daddy, unless there is some pressing need to know something (I can’t even think of an example!) just leave it alone.