3 Things Women forty and older NEED to start doing right now

I was watching a certain chat show today, during which one of the hosts said women over 40 have no business making out with their husband in public. But apparently women under 40 can make out with every Tom, Dick and Harry until their lips literally fall off. It got me thinking- GEE- I’ll be 40 in August- is that my expiration date? Is that the day I all of a sudden turn into a pumpkin and simply cease to be?  Does the fact that I’m older make it uncomfortable for others to view me as a sexual and viable female? Well you know what I say- TOO FREAKING BAD!

I am not going to go into my 40th year on this planet marching in slow motion – no I want to wrap a hot pink feather boa around my neck, and go out in the middle of Times Square and have my husband pull me into a very uncomfortable for my kids to watch embrace.

I’ll be honest I’m scared to turn 40. I’m afraid it will signal the beginning of the end for me- as a visible and important voice– because our society so very much values the allure of youth- and at 40- I’m no longer valuable. But I have a daughter– which means I have a COMMITMENT to her to make turning 40 this fabulous adventure so that when she turns 40 one day- gd willing- that’s what she will remember- as opposed to a morose mom, reaching for a glass of Moscato D’asti and lamenting the trials of losing one’s youth.

So I am starting a LIFE LIST beginning with FIVE THINGS -as of August 25th- I’m going to begin to undertake as I enter my Fortieth year on this CRAZY and mostly  joyful planet.

#1 Reminding myself that sometimes you gotta say, “WHAT THE F*CK?” and take a chance. Maybe I’ll fall flat on my face and maybe I will completely fail.  But at least I can’t say I didn’t try.

#2 Accepting the fact that there are some relationships that can never be repaired- or be what I need them to be. I will begin to take what I can from  relationships or cut my losses and move on. Easier said than done- but I imagine, extraordinarily freeing in so many ways. I think sometimes we believe we need to stay in relationships with certain people and are unable to be objective when they begin to feel toxic. As a 40 year-old woman- when something starts to feel toxic and irreparable – I AM MOVING ON.

#3 Owning my body, sexuality and image with confidence and a sense of calm and the notion that this is IT. This is what I’ve got- and I’m going to love it, take care of it- and be as happy as I can be in it- and hope it doesn’t betray me.

So- any advice for us women 40 and over?


  1. Kristin says

    I just love that you started your life list with “Sometimes you have to say WTF!” It is true. My old school diy/punk attitude has morphed in my 40’s to be just not giving a you know what about what people think and just doing the things that make me happy. I really like #2 on your list, it is so poignant for my life right now. I have gotten the toxic people out of my life, but moving on is really where the freedom is. It is easy for people’s negative words to linger in your head, or a failure dig its claws into you and not want to let go. But if it is not allowing you to move on, experience love, joy, happiness … then it is time to let go.

    And absolutely feel free to kiss and embrace your husband whenever and wherever you want to. I am all for that one. I grew up in a house where I never saw my parents kiss or hug, or anything. I don’t want that for my kids. I want them to know how much their parents love each other.

    Thanks so much for your post. It gave me a smile on this gorgeous day.

  2. elissapr says

    Here! Here! Lose those toxic ‘friendships!” You know the ones I mean: when the phone rings and it’s your ‘friend’ – and they say “how are you?” You answer: “Fine. How are you?” And 45 minutes later, you’ve been harangued with all their problems and complaints. And did they ever ask about you? Uh, NO! As the saying goes, with friends like that…who needs enemies!

  3. says

    I’m still a few years away from 40, but there better not be an age when you’re supposed to stop making out with your husband. To me.that seems the fastest way to age badly!

  4. says

    You’re awesome and I love your plan (and by the way, I actually kinda make out with my husband in public every now and again still). I’m a year younger than you so I will follow your journey closely and see how I can do something extraordinary in my 40 th year too. Now go be an INSPIRATION!

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