This is a very familiar scene in my house: It is 6 am and my newest furry child a now one and a half year old shihtzu I rescued from Divine Intervention Rescue is on my pillow-pawing at my forehead. The lil guy is dying to go outside and walk. He doesn’t care that it is 6am. He doesn’t care that I was up till umpteenth o’clock last night. All he cares about is his bladder- which no matter how often I take him out is always full- and this boy can lift his leg at least 15 times on any given tree any time of the day or night.
Of course IT IS 6AM and I would DO ANYTHING- not to have to sprint out of bed and wake-up. So I roll over and start poking my husband.
“Honey.. can you PLEASE walk Ike? I am dead tired and he is going to pee all over the house ( Let me add that he has already peed all over the house).”
To which my husband says: ” These are your dogs- you wanted them I am not getting up.”
Of course the man does have a valid point- I did technically decide for the both of us that we should brings dogs into our marriage- so I guess they fall under my jurisdiction- but I am a wife on a mission so his statement does not deter me from my end goal. So for all you women out there attempting to get your husband to walk the DOG at 6am… here are my 3 rules for helping you MEET YOUR END GOAL.
#1 You can never remind your husband enough about how you have SACRIFICED YOUR BODY to give him kids. That’s right pull out the old, ” I have a kangaroo pouch because of that c-section I barely survived while delivering YOUR BABY BOY. ” (In truth I did have a slight mishap during my c-section- the Dr. cut the wrong blood vessel and it was a bit touch and go for me- but in the event that your c-section was as ordinary as possible- just put his finger on your PERMANENTLY scarred stomach be it via a c-section or stretch marks- for more of a dramatic effect while talking about this baby you gave him).
#2 Tell your husband how sexy it is when he gets out of bed to do you a favor and how much it TURNS YOU ON and then WINK AT HIM with a knowing- you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. Of course when he gets back after scooping poop chances are he won’t be in a “back scratching mood”.
#3 If all else fails tell your husband that PART of the marriage contract reads- HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE- and if he chooses not to hold up his end of the bargain– That won’t be good for ANYONE ( namely him). Of course if this tactic falls on deaf ears- pull a Bart Simpson on him and keep asking him to walk the dog- until he gets so tired of hearing you ask the same question he will do it just to SHUT YOU UP.
*DISCLAIMER- these 3 rules should all be immediately followed by a resounding I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HONEY I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT YOU– you know just to SEAL THE DEAL.