3 Things I wish someone had told me before I got married; a love letter to my wife

By Robert Mushnick ( aka the sugar daddy and husband of Melissa)

Melissa asked me to jot down a few of my thoughts ones that all men should keep in mind to ensure they’ll have a long and relatively happy marriage.

-Marriage is a marathon not a sprint: It’s a long process; I’m always learning how to improve. I think you have to learn NOT to sweat the little things- and to think of the big picture and just go with it (even if I want to strangle Melissa sometimes…I kid!) Perfect example:  Melissa is deathly afraid of contamination (a little known fact about her to most..) and some of her requirements to keep her anxiety at bay- while they seem silly and are just plain annoying to me- I have finally come to the realization that they’re important to her and so- most of the time I just go with it- and try to appease her. And I’m sure she’d say, in certain situations, she does the same for me. It’s those kinds of compromises you need to be prepared for, as you embark on your marriage.

-Don’t try and make your spouse something/ someone they simply are not. I have given up expecting certain things from Melissa. After many years of arguments I’ve realized there are certain things about my spouse that no matter how many silent treatments I subject her to- she will not change her stance. This is something I wished I would’ve known- that people don’t and won’t change the essence of who they are- so either you accept them or you spend years in frustration. Case in point: I am a runner,  and it took some time for Melissa to begin to exercise. This was a big point of contention for us- until I decided Melissa is a grown woman and needs to make the decision to get and stay healthy for herself- and no amount of prodding on my part- or chastising her for eating an extra helping of waffles is going to get her change. See these were things I didn’t know when I was 40 and young and in love- but just a little stupid.

-Try to avoid situations that cause conflict. Perfect example of this- Melissa and I used to go grocery shopping together and the fights that ensued over our different shopping styles were legendary- let’s just say there were quite a few dramatic exits involved. So now 14 years later- Melissa gives me her list and I do ALL the grocery shopping– if they don’t have the product she wants- well- that’s not my fault- right?!

Bottom line is this-  marriage is like a marathon race– there will always be a few twisted ankles and sore knees but like any great runner will tell you- you can derive such a euphoric sense of gratification from it- that makes it all feel worth it in the end.