3 real life lessons from the marriage trenches

I was recently on a panel of editors and writers -talking about what we all collectively want to write about- and the pitches we are most likely to follow up with. Of course my big thing was, if you email me as Dear Mr. Chapman, there’s a god chance you’ll never hear from me again because, if you don’t know that I’m a woman then you probably are just pitching me mindlessly and have no idea what kind of content I am looking for.

Following this panel they set us up in a big ball room where we had this speed datingesque experience, where I’d meet the author, expert, speaker they’d give me their elevator pitch and then I’d go onto the next. I think I spoke to roughly 50 people within a two hour period- is my normally hoarse and raspy voice at this point is no existent.

So here I am getting pitched EVERY.SINGLE how to make your marriage better via; vaginal rejuvenation (I. Am. SERIOUS), taking time for yourself to regroup and focus on you(one I agree with but *probably* wouldn’t use that alone time learning how to shoot a rifle but that’s just me) and oh a host of other worldly ways like channeling your inner psychic to psychically unearth what your husband really wants since we all know husbands are usually men of few choice words–to improve your marriage.

I definitely got enough material to at the very least do a one-woman standup routine on a Tuesday night at Rascal’s in NJ, but more importantly than that- it made me really reach deep inside myself and think long and hard about what it is that all couples need from one another.

So here are just a few of my thoughts about what makes a marriage work:

1)JUST showing up-
– that is three quarters of what it takes. Being present when your spouse truly needs you, i.e. at 1 am in the morning when you can’t sleep you know you can rouse your spouse from his slumber and ask him questions, and this guy will comfort you.

2) Have sex whenever you can.
It is pretty primal but, just being that close to the person you already love- well it binds you in ways that are hard to articulate.

3)Whenever you get mad at your spouse, take out your wedding picture and really look at it.
Try and remember how much love you felt fr this person on that day ( and try not to cry because of how young you looked back then). let those memories flood you and help keep you grounded and in love with this person
(even if you feel like throwing a squinkie at his head).

So married couples- do you have any real life lessons from the trenches about marriage to add?

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