I just celebrated 18 years of marriage on December 19th. Truly it is hard for me to believe that I have survived 18 years of living with another person. This person who has the memory of an elephant and can whip out ( and quite often does) something I’ve done in the past that even I DON’T remember. A person who has seen me at my complete worst- a 170 pound two weeks overdue pregnant woman who would do just about anything to induce labor and coerced him into getting close with me in the biblical sense to get my water to break. ( Talk about taking one for the team- eh?!)
But this marriage is so much more than a husband who is willing to have sex on command with a very cranky and overdue pregnant wife. Our marriage has transformed me in ways that are hard to articulate- but has mostly been my safe haven. My marriage has wrapped me in a cocoon of unconditional love- and has on occasion saved me from drowning in a sea of pity and self-doubt. My marriage is the partnership I wished for and while it is no where NEAR perfect- it is mine and I cherish it. And in honor of my 18th year wedding anniversary I give you 15 Reasons Why Being Married Doesn’t Suck ( because I’m too lazy to come up with 18)
#1 You always have someone to answer that question, “Does this dress make my butt look big?”
# 2 When your mother calls you- and reminds you why you should feel guilty about something you did when you were 12 years old- you have a Spouse to TALK YOU OFF THE LEDGE.
#3 When you feel like eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s after a particularly crappy day- you will have someone to GRAB that spoon away and save you from yourself.
#4 Hopefully it means you don’t have to worry about catching a “Social Disease”.
#5 You have someone who HAS to be your plus 1 at obligatory functions.
#6 When your kid finally eats veggies you have someone to call and share the news with- who is genuinely as excited as you are.
#7 When your dog finally poops after several days of being constipated- you have someone who is just as THRILLED as you are.
#8 You have someone to share your love of the GodFather Trilogy with- and who will gladly cancel any other plans to watch an all day marathon.
#9 At 3:30 a.m. when you can’t sleep you have someone to watch The Honeymooner’s reruns with.
#10 No matter how wretched you feel- they will hold your hair back while you put your head in the toilet bowl.
#11 They will always remember to get you your maxi-pads with wings.
#12 They will screen your calls and tell whatshisface that you are not home when you are really just sitting on the couch catching up on last week’s American Horror Story.
#13 They will tell you they will under “NO certain terms” walk your dog when it is freezing cold outside, and then when it is freezing cold outside, they will indeed walk the dog.
#14 You have someone that will think it is totally adorable that you cry during commercials.
#15 They will see you at your absolute worst, and will love you through it ( no matter how many times you tell them it is their fault that you have to have a C-section).